Dear Maxy,
My niece is a real Debbie Downer . No matter what we talk about , she always finds something wrong with it . We spent a few days together during the holidays and she drove me crazy . I was telling her about my new job . She didn't care . Honestly, all she did was complain .
At one point , I said she seems to see the glass half empty, while I see it half full . She took offense at my statement . I tried to give her examples of what I meant .
In the end , when she had hurt my feeling for the 100th time , I blew up and told her off . I really didn't mean to do that , but I was so frustrated .
How can I fix that with her ?
Worn Out

Dear Worn Out ,
Your niece probably doesn't realize how she affects others . Often when people are overly negative , they have low self-esteem . Sadly when they are challenged about it , this only helps to support their belief that the world is against them .
It may help to be very specific when you tell your niece your concerns . If you can identify the situation when she was extremely negative and it hurt your feelings , describe it to her. Through your eyes , she may be able to see how her reaction hurts you .
Helping her open her eyes to others' perceptions  may soften her opinions about herself and those around her .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My family is divided politically . Even though the election is over , people are still upset . When we got together over the holidays , one of my uncles (who had to much to drink) started talking about the presidential election and how he thought the vote was rigged .
The opposing uncles jumped in and I thought it was going to come to blows . It was awful . I know they all had been drinking , but still it was mean and ugly . When I tried to break it up , it just got worse .
What should I have done and what can I do in the future ? They aren't going to change their views .
Peace Maker

Dear Peace Maker ,
Tensions were high going into the presidential election and it was predicted that afterward there would be a lot of bad feelings no matter who won or lost . It is also relatively common for extended family to include members of different political persuasions . This can be a recipe for major conflict . In your case , the situation was exacerbated by alcohol .
What can you do ? Nothing in the midst of a drunken fight . It's best in a situation like that to walk away .
You could invite anybody else who isn't intoxicated to walk away , too . Anybody who is already is not going to be able to hear the voice of reason .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My assistant has worked for me for less than a year . Because she's the newest member of our team , she doesn't have any vacation days .
She asked me if she could take time off for her mother's birthday anyway . She told me she wanted to see her family and they always get together at her mom's house , 300 miles away .
Her question put me in an awkward situation . We have rules at my office about vacation time , but she really put the guilt trip on me ... so much that I gave her two days off . She hardly said "thank you" after all that .
I am not happy about this at all . How can I let her know my feelings ?
Annoyed

Dear Annoyed ,
Remember your assistant is young and in need of guidance . Rather than being upset with her, educate her .
Tell her you are disappointed that she seems ungrateful for your extra effort to make her mother's birthday more comfortable . Tell her you realize how much she wanted to be with her family to wish her mother a happy birthday and that you made an exception so she could be with them .
Explain that you expect her to have the basic manners to say "thank you" and go the extra mile at work because you went the extra mile for her .
Maxy