Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I am  37  and divorced . I identify myself  as  bisexual  and try to live my dating  life very privately .
The problem is, my parents are quite  judgmental  and racist . I dare not  say anything  about  my dating partners, who are either gender  and any color . But I am tired of living  my life for others . If I choose to go my own way, however,  my two children would lose their grandparents . Any suggestions ?
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
You aren't  giving  your parents any credit  for being  for being able  to accept  you as you are  for the sake of their grandchildren . You don't need to give them details  of your  dating  life  and  parade  various  partners  in front  of them . No one does and parents do not really want to hear about it.  Your sexual orientation is your own intimate and personal business.
But you should not be afraid  to introduce  them to someone who becomes  a meaningful  part of  your life, with whom you wish a serious relationship. Give them the  time to work through  their feelings and you will probably find they still love you and very much want to see you and their grandchildren. You  can find  support  through PFLAG  (pflag.org )
Maxy

Dear  Maxy ,
I have to travel  45 minutes  by bus  to get to work  and the bus  comes only once an hour, something that my boss knows . I came into work  and discovered  that the doors were locked .  A custodian let me in, but my department was  still locked . I checked my email  and saw that  my boss  had sent  me an email, prior to when I have  to be in the office, to tell me that I didn't need to come in  today . I found this  rude, since she  knows  my situation  and I had to use my own money  to pay for the bus  to and from  work that day, which was a waste of  my wages, as the bus  fare is not  cheap . Do I have  a right to ask  for  compensation ?
Snubbed at Work
Dear Snubbed at Work ,
Chances are  your  boss  did not intentionally  make the decision  not to open  the office that day too late  for you to know it . It's most likely  that she did not realize  that she  didn't take  her  staff  travel time into account . Often, important  decisions  get  made in a vacuum  and some things  that should be obvious  are overlooked . This  does  not make  your boss's actions  right, however, it can explain  how such a thing  could happen .
I think it is fair  for you  to mention  to your  boss  that you did  not get the message  in time  and  you came to work  unnecessarily .
You can  say how  much  your commute  costs  and ask  if you could  possibly be reimbursed  . By asking  in a polite, respectful way , you create space  for your  boss  to apologize  and give  you the money  that  you spent . Chances are good she will see it your way.
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I am writing for a critique  group  that meets once  a week . It is a small group; therefore, we depend  on the  attendance  of the members, which we make  very clear  in the beginning . Of  course, there are  times  when people  are unable  to make it  and we ask  that they let us  know  ahead of  time . However, there have  been  a  couple of  people  who just won't  show up one week, or  for  a few weeks  at a time with no explanation . Is it  wrong  to expect members  of a group  let us  know  if they can't  make a meeting , even if we  did not explicitly  state  that they  should  tell us  when we started  the  group ?
Team Work
Dear Team Work ,
It is perfectly  within  your  rights  to follow  up  with members of  your writing  critique  group  to ask them  to honor  their obligation  to  attend  and participate  in  your  group sessions . Contact  each of the no-shows  to  find out  if  they are all right  and if  they  intend to come back . Explain  how difficult  it can  be when  members  do not show up . Ask  them to commit  more fully to the group  if they want  to  continue  to be a part of it . It may encourage them to commit but be prepared if someone withdraws from your group because they prefer a more casual involvement. 
Maxy