Dear Maxy ,
I have been a vegetarian for about five months . This may not seem like a problem , but all my family members are huge meat eaters . I haven't told anyone yet about my decision because of the backlash I would get .
The holidays are right around the corner , and I'm nervous about seeing my whole family and revealing my secret .
I can't keep it from them , because they will know and we don't have a traditional spread . Our main course consists of steak (along with turkey) !
I know they will make a big deal and will argue with my decision .
How can I prepare for this conversation ? I want them to respect me for not eating meat , not treat me like an alien .
Vegetarian

Dear Vegetarian ,
I'm not sure you will have as big a problem as you imagine , largely because people do not pay as much attention to what others eat as you think . If you fill your plate with all the vegetables your family is serving and eat a hearty meal , you will be demonstrating that you are a healthy eater .
If asked why your plate is meatless , you can explain that you have chosen to stop eating meat for a while . You can ease your family into the notion of your new eating habits without scaring them by telling them this is a several-month-practice that you are trying .
Be prepared to explain why , preferably without bad mouthing their eating habits .
For example , if you have become a vegetarian because you want to lower your cholesterol or lose weight , make sure to center your explanation on what your own vegetarianism might do for them . If you are now flesh-averse, you should keep that to yourself . You don't want to offend them .
You also don't want to worry your family . Many people believe that a vegetarian lifestyle does not provide adequate nutrition . Make sure you know what foods provide nutrients so you can describe that if they ask . Please don't visit with the intention of educating anyone .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I've been friends with "Sue" and "Mary" for years . Last year , I asked Sue to drive me to a cosmetic medical procedure . She asked me to include Mary , which meant planning the trip around Mary , which meant planning the trip around Mary's work schedule .
We set tentative dates , and I made motel reservations and arranged clinic availability . Mary kept changing her mind about coming and finally admitted that she didn't want the procedure . When she cancelled again , Sue moved up our departure time . Mary then reconsidered and wanted to come after all . I told her the departure time had been moved up , and she said she'd drive herself and meet us up there .
Two days later , Mary sent me a letter saying she wasn't coming and lambasted me because I "didn't know what it was to be a friend." I thought we'd talk it out , but that was a year ago , and we have yet to speak .
I don't think I owe Mary an apology . Any suggestions ?
Three's a Crowd

Dear Crowd ,
You don't owe her an apology , although it might help to say you are sorry that things became so complicated and difficult , and you regret that the friendship suffered as a result .
Maxy

Dear Maxy
I received an email from friends , inviting me to their home for the holidays . I went to their home last year and I got sick and was in bed for 3 days . I'm not sure I want to go to their home this year . I haven't answered the invitation yet .
How do I turn them down without hurting their feelings ?
Guest

Dear Guest,
Thank your friends for the invitation and tell them you have made other plans .
Maxy