Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Matching Plaque.

GIL"S NEW PARTNER
LAWYER ONE LINERS
***********************
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can't understand.
*********************************************
What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One's slimy and has whiskers.The other one lives in the water.
*********************************************
Have you heard about the lawyers' word processor?
No matter what font you select,everything comes out in fine print.
**********************************************
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?Professional courtesy.
***********************************************
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?Cut the rope.
************************************************
How do you save a drowning lawer?Take your foot off his head.
************************************************
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?Shoot him before he hits the water.
************************************************
How do you know a lawyer is lying?His lips are moving.
************************************************
Have you heard about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It's called Sosumi.
************************************************
How did the lawyer break his nose?The ambulance stopped suddenly.
*************************************************
Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for the same service.
************************************************
What is the ideal weight for a lawyer?About three pounds,including the urn.
************************************************
A group of terrorists burst into the conference room at the Hilton,where the American Bar Association was holding it's annual convention.More than a hundred lawyers were taken hostage.
The terrorist leader announced that,unless their demands were met,they would release one lawyer every hour.
*************************************************

HA!!


Gil,nothing personal,just hahas.

14 comments:

  1. Anonymous5:11:00 PM

    Hey,I made it back all in one piece,everything went well...
    Well Jeannie you did it again,you fine the cutest saying about lawyers,and all true(GIGGLES)My man say you outdo yourself with each one....he say he like unique saying also they have a sense of humor...that's good for the spirit to keep the spirit free....Now I have to buy Gil a "CURIO CABINET" for his office...I was so glad to see my babies....How is everyone on your end...your mom came through her tests with flying colors..the doc's removed all the scar tissure by laser...have a lot of meds will try to be back later.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I just couldn't bring myself to finish the story of Ian.Made me too sad.Had to do something fun.

    So glad to hear you are okay,honey.
    No results from mom's CT scan yet.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous6:03:00 PM

    Jeannie....I don't want you to be sad..it make you unhappy...you have him now.things turn out good,it just make me angry for people to take things for granted,to mush hate in the world.Your mom's scans will be fine ...remember she is tough.Is Brian behaving? why did I ask when I know the answer.(GIGGLES)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous6:21:00 PM

    After all that serious stuff it was times for something funny. well, done.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous6:50:00 PM

    I think I have found the perfect cabinets/color/designs for his office...he says if he don't have any clients...he can charge admission to view his wonderful collectionc of the artist with the free spirit...Jeannie ...that man is full of himself...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Just talked to the twins.They drove a car around Daytona racetrack and loved it.Jakey got knocked over by a wave and had to wear his dad's shirt home.
    They went to Ripley's Believe it or Not Museum and believed everything.We told them we didn't believe any of it.
    I said to Jake,that the mummy there is made of latex,you can't believe that's real.
    He said,"But I believe it's made of latex."

    ReplyDelete
  7. Jake is a smart ass kid,but I love him.
    Brian had an Ultra Sound today and
    I go to Toronto tomorrow for tests.My immune system specialist is there.What a lot of medical stuff is going on.
    I have to be there by eight,so I have to be up at five-thirty.I won't be online very late tonight.
    It'll be hard going because we're having heavy snowfalls.

    Do you have to keep off that leg for a while Nee?Any pain?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous8:27:00 PM

    Snow again? Jesus, you must be really fed up with all the white stuff, right?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous8:29:00 PM

    Yes Not to drive for awhile...I am glad to hear my twins is having a great time..you get everything taken care off,I have taken some med...they knock me out..I will catch you tomorrow nite...Sleep well and take care...LOL Nee

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh yes Vix,It's a little wearing.Then all of a sudden,one day,it's gone and flowers start to bloom.Then we start complaining about the heat.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous8:47:00 PM

    How much do you have by now? 1 meter? 2 meters? Brrr
    I am pretty sure flowers won't bloom in Canada for another 2 months.LOL

    ReplyDelete
  12. Over one meter.It's not really cold,except right before a snowfall.Then it could freeze the dick off a moose.

    ReplyDelete
  13. First signs of new life,about April.Always happy to see something green.
    Brian is already talking about boats.He wants to upgrade again.That's usually a sign of spring.A bit early this year.

    Off to bed now Vix.Be a good girl,or at least,pretend...Ha!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous8:57:00 PM

    I will try my best. Although, I'll promise nothing... Have a good night.

    ReplyDelete

Through this ever open gate
None come too early
None too late
Thanks for dropping in ... the PICs